7 years since I last saw Mark...

This photo is saved as "Mark Fav".  I never tire of it. 

7 years ago Mark and I were living ordinary days.  I worked as a Special Education Teacher's Assistant. About 4 pm I finished booking a trip to Palm Dessert for Spring Break.  That trip together would never be.  Mark would have worked nights on January 11, leaving him with January 12, 13, 14, & 15 off.  Back to day shift on Friday, January 16^th, 2015.  Today when I purchased house insurance I was reminded that this was the last 'job' that Mark did to protect us, his family. 

What is it like having lived 7 years without my guy by my side?  I am still figuring out how to navigate, "what's next?"  Still standing.  I have moved, walked alongside my dad’s end of life, Mark's mom’s end of life, Reo’s end of life, and am walking through a planned global event which has divided families, friends, and neighbours.  Like Mark's death, the truth is yet to be revealed globally.  But it's slowly dripping out. 

I spent 5 1/2 years being an advocate for truth.  It was worth every hour. February 24, 2020 a new Press Release was put forth by Langley RCMP with an apology for "false allegations".  My soul could finally rest in knowing the this piece of truth about Mark's ending was revealed. 

The passage of time is difficult to describe.  There is a large gap with no new memories. And, over 30 years of memories past to treasure. 

Today I’m restless.  I have no idea what the next chapter will look like, but I’m ready for what’s next.  I’ve outgrown my walking-out-widowhood home.  One of my dreams is land. With animals. Small ones.  I loved being married… with all the challenges of doing life with another, I’d do it again.  With the right person. Shaping comes, sharp edges are softened, when closely navigating life with another.